Where'd February Go?

Here it is... March 6th. Have a lot on my plate, hopefully I can update by the end of the week. For the moment, here's a snippet of some posts to follow:

1. Went back to my college town and fell hard for a guy.. hopefully he's falling equally as hard.

2. First gay bar visit this weekend..

3. Bought a small dildo for obvious reasons...

4. Still Grind'n away.... found a good regular guy.

5. Gay guys are crazy.. Imagine me banging a guy when his ex boyfriend is banging on the door..

February Already?!

Where is this time going? Time to update, feeling a little bloggy..

So finally, I did get to see Michael. Just to hook up really. I'm no good at this relationship stuff. I don't want one, not ready for one. I thought he was  the exception, but I guess not. I've been feeling that way since my last post about him, maybe even a little before. I think I was just wanting it to work, he's such a great guy. But I know when little things start to bother me about the person, it usually means I'm over them. I don't even think we could possibly be friends. He just has a completely different mindset than I do and I don't think he'd mesh well with my crew. Yeah, I have a crew. Not a dance crew unfortunately, but nonetheless, a crew. At this point, my friends are way more important than finding a significant other. This guy on grindr that I chat with explains it like this: "Friends are more important... Sex is easy."

And I definitely agree. These are the people I hang with at all the time, ......

Wait. Looking at a commercial for the PushUp Pump... that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! That thing is so bulky, wouldn't fit under my bed easily. And back to our regularly scheduled blog post...

.....we haven't gotten to the sappy share all stories, but for the moment, they are my family. Each one of them brings something unique to the table and its great when we get together always. They pretty much get me through my work week. Now if I can find time to get sleep and laundry in there somewhere, it'd be perfect.

In other news, I bottomed last night for the first time. I've been wanting to try for a while now. Just wanting to feel the other side of things for once, I guess. I've talked about the guy before early on (click here). He's the elementary teacher. We've become really good friends. He doesn't run in my crew, but I still manage to see him quite often. I don't see myself ever considering him more than just friends with benefits. He's probably the closest I'll have to a boyfriend for a while, unless Gosling or Gyllenhaal decide to give me a call. And lets not forget about Michael Fassbender. I'd pretty much drop anything for those three. That includes the drawers I have on.

Back to bottoming. I've always liked a little ass play while I topped guys. So sensitive back there and I always pay special attention to that area while showering. I'm sure straight guys do it all the time, they're just afraid to admit. My finger has always had the knack to slide in when horny, so I decided to take it a step further last night.

I was out with my friends at a local bar when J texted me. We have this usual thing of me staying the night at his house on Friday nights. Just the perfect day to do such. Plus he lives about 30 minutes west of the city I live in, so he's a little out of the way. I told him to stay up and if he does, I'd make it worth his while. And I left it at that. I didn't want him to fall asleep, so I'd constantly check in with him. I finally leave the bars (sober, no drinking and driving guys) and head to his place. We started messing around, exchanged blow jobs, ass play, but for some reason, I wasn't in the mood to get off. I just wanted to be next to him. He definitely felt the same, so we just laid there and fell asleep.

But about 6 am, I woke up with a raging hard on. So I just started sideways grinding on him to get him up. Didn't take long for him or his dick was awake. He felt my body up and down and I did the same, kissed and stroked him, then I reached for him to start playing with my ass. First the cheeks, then he got bold and rubbed his fingers on my hole. Drove me wild. I started grinding harder on him. He just knew exactly what to do. I turned over and started grinding my ass on his dick while he stroked me. I came so close to cumming so I had to stop him. So there we are. Him grinding me while I grind into the sheets. Felt so good. J began to slip a finger in and eventually the tip of his dick. Of course it hurt for a bit, but I wanted it all. Eventually (after a condom and lots of lube later) we got there and we began fucking. Now this isn't the time where I say that it was amazing and it felt so good. Not at all. Fucking hurt like hell. And I'm still hurting a bit. But the thought of him being in me and him enjoying being in me drove my mind rather than the pain. What can I say, I'm a people pleaser.

After about 10 minutes of him going to town on my ass literally, he slipped out of me and I turned over and began stroking. I don't know if it was the massaging my prostate or the fact that I haven't gotten off in 5 days, but I had a great orgasm. I would definitely bottom again, but I definitely would have to be in the mood. But until that time comes, I think I should invest in a toy to loosen up back there.

If anyone has any suggestions for me about which toy or other methods to loosen me up (besides you), I'd be happy to hear them! You can comment here or just email me at underwraps 87 @gmail.com.

Has Anyone Seen Michael....

...because I haven't. Yep. Since before my last Tuesday. Which was 5 days ago. Which should have been the day I blogged. Sorry guys.

In reality, it's not a long time. It seems like longer because we didn't really talk much, just went to see Sherlock Holmes. My first choice was MI:4, which I still haven't seen, but some things that bothered me about that night.

1. He was late. About 15 minutes late. Of course I stalled and went to a couple stores in the mall until he got there, but nonetheless, he was late.
2. The movie theater's showing of MI:4 was the IMAX version. Michael didn't look up this detail, and we both didn't want to spend the extra 8 bucks to see it in IMAX.
3. He asked me multiple questions about the movie, during the movie. To be fair, this last one was the result of the first two. I think anything he did could make me mad after being late though.

Not optimistic about how this is going to play out. Me and relationships...blah.

Incapable of Loving

Here we are, a couple days later (not really, just for timeline purposes) and Michael and I want to see each other badly. We both work during the day and exhausted afterward and especially difficult when neither one of us lives alone. So we decide we'll go to dinner. I meet him halfway and we travel the rest of the way in my car. We got to his old stomping grounds in our city. I've been wanting to try out this local burger joint so we try that. He buys (since I bought coffee, which I don't think is a comparison since 1: it was coffee and 2: I used a gift card) but he insists. We of course have awesome conversation which always turns sexual for some reason and we head out for you guessed it, an empty parking lot. After driving in neighborhoods for what seemed like forever, we found a good dark spot to park and get after it. And get after it we did. Way more touching and grabbing. More dirty talk. If I we both didn't have such small vehicles, I'm sure a lot more would have happened than us blowing each other. Unlike last time, we both came. Felt awesome to watch him cum all over himself, which sent me over the edge again and I blew all over me. Luckily I had an undershirt on and we cleaned ourselves off and drove off. I took him to his car and I watched the sexy ass walk away. He has one of the greatest backsides I've ever seen. But more to what the post title suggests... I'm incapable of loving.

Alright, loving is a strong word for this point, but I'm capable of liking someone so I needed something stronger, plus its what I was feeling. 

The next day at work I'm just thinking of Michael and where this is leading to. All these thoughts fill my head. Do I like this guy? Will he want a relationship? Do I want a relationship? Should I think about the future or just live in the moment? How will we be able to continuously sneak around like this? Could I possibly love this guy in the future? If I didn't see him ever again from this point forward, would it bother me? Then I stopped myself on that last one because the answer frustrated the hell out of me. My answer was "no, it wouldn't bother me."

I couldn't believe it. But I was honest with myself. Hopefully this will change the more I see him, but at the present time, that's my answer. I have no idea why, Michael seems perfect. Then I began to think, could I even be in a long term relationship? And I definitely haven't in the past. Nothing more than 6 months, if that. I tend to grow old of people. That sounds really shallow, but I do. I look for flaws and make them bigger than what they are and it scares the shit out of me because it will eventually make me incapable of loving someone. Too many emotions. Maybe this was due to the amount of caffeine I had that day. Not sure. Hopefully I don't feel that way for long. Then I was reminded of a song by John Mayer. Damn him for having a song for every emotion I feel at any given moment.