Incapable of Loving

Here we are, a couple days later (not really, just for timeline purposes) and Michael and I want to see each other badly. We both work during the day and exhausted afterward and especially difficult when neither one of us lives alone. So we decide we'll go to dinner. I meet him halfway and we travel the rest of the way in my car. We got to his old stomping grounds in our city. I've been wanting to try out this local burger joint so we try that. He buys (since I bought coffee, which I don't think is a comparison since 1: it was coffee and 2: I used a gift card) but he insists. We of course have awesome conversation which always turns sexual for some reason and we head out for you guessed it, an empty parking lot. After driving in neighborhoods for what seemed like forever, we found a good dark spot to park and get after it. And get after it we did. Way more touching and grabbing. More dirty talk. If I we both didn't have such small vehicles, I'm sure a lot more would have happened than us blowing each other. Unlike last time, we both came. Felt awesome to watch him cum all over himself, which sent me over the edge again and I blew all over me. Luckily I had an undershirt on and we cleaned ourselves off and drove off. I took him to his car and I watched the sexy ass walk away. He has one of the greatest backsides I've ever seen. But more to what the post title suggests... I'm incapable of loving.

Alright, loving is a strong word for this point, but I'm capable of liking someone so I needed something stronger, plus its what I was feeling. 

The next day at work I'm just thinking of Michael and where this is leading to. All these thoughts fill my head. Do I like this guy? Will he want a relationship? Do I want a relationship? Should I think about the future or just live in the moment? How will we be able to continuously sneak around like this? Could I possibly love this guy in the future? If I didn't see him ever again from this point forward, would it bother me? Then I stopped myself on that last one because the answer frustrated the hell out of me. My answer was "no, it wouldn't bother me."

I couldn't believe it. But I was honest with myself. Hopefully this will change the more I see him, but at the present time, that's my answer. I have no idea why, Michael seems perfect. Then I began to think, could I even be in a long term relationship? And I definitely haven't in the past. Nothing more than 6 months, if that. I tend to grow old of people. That sounds really shallow, but I do. I look for flaws and make them bigger than what they are and it scares the shit out of me because it will eventually make me incapable of loving someone. Too many emotions. Maybe this was due to the amount of caffeine I had that day. Not sure. Hopefully I don't feel that way for long. Then I was reminded of a song by John Mayer. Damn him for having a song for every emotion I feel at any given moment.

The Next Day.

Its not really the next day, but lets just pretend it's the day after the last post.

Man, I have to see Mike again. We've texted non-stop since or great conversation and I have an awesome feeling about this. The night before, I told J (read this post if you don't know who he is) how much I like this guy and I think he's starting to get jealous. Just a hunch. He hasn't had much luck on Grindr lately and the ex is sort of in the picture again, no matter how many times his roommate and I tell him not to let him back in. How he's an EX for a reason and even though he was in J's life for a year, that's still 1/26th of his life. A very small amount I think.

Michael lives with his cousins and with me not living alone, it makes it difficult to meet up. At this point I didn't care, I had to see him. We text and we try to figure out a place to meet. I told him I didn't care where and that I was driving in his general direction. We meet up in a parking lot, I told him how hungry I was, so I told him to follow me to grab something to eat. So after I pick up something quickly, we just sit in the parking lot of the establishment and talk. Our talking turned into kissing. Kissing into touching. Touching into pants down. Pants down into stroking. Stroking into sucking. So there we are. In the parking lot me looking out of my window with a head bobbing up and down in my lap. Best blow job I've received. I had to return the favor. And I had to make sure I did it in a damn good fashion too. I had to bring my "A game." And based on him speaking another language while I was blowing him, I'm sure I brought it. That just turned me on more. I kept at it. Up and down, licked his balls, deep throat. I wanted his cum. There were multiple times he pulled me off of him for a bit because he was about to shoot.

This was then cut short by a cop circling the parking lot next to us. Definitely a big cock block if you will. I was still hard and couldn't get it back in my pants. I had to drive a bit with my pants down, which is somehow really funny to me. I get home to finish what Michael started and he did the same. I told him that I wanted to see that ass soon, which I meant in person. But then he sends me some pics of it which drove me over the edge. I had to cum again. Can't wait to see him again.

Oh, if you're wondering what he looks like: Here's a young Shemar Moore. Michael's body is almost spot on with this pic.

100% Wrong

Hey all, and Happy New Years! I'll see if I can play catch up a bit from my lack of posting. 

If you read the previous post, you'll remember Caleb. If not, I'll give you an abridged version. Cute guy, went on a date. After that, 66.67% of me thought I'd see him again. 33.33% sure we'd see each other another time then that'd be the end. Looks like I'm 100% wrong. Didn't talk, text, whatever. Then, I was bummed. He seemed to be a pretty decent guy with a little quirkiness  I look for. Well, I think he is a pretty decent guy still with that same quirkiness I look for, but I'm fine with not talking to him ever again. But also fine with talking too. I'm not mad at all, it sucks. But it happens. 

I think the reason why I'm so fine with it all is because I've moved on to the next. Happened rather quickly too. We've talked off and on for about 4 months now (I seem to chat off and on with a lot of people. What can I say... I'm a friendly guy) and we met up last Saturday at Starbucks. I usually would brew my own or pick a local spot but I got gift cards for Christmas. Thank you Mom and Dad. Back to the guy. We'll call him Michael. Mike is about 6 foot, about 170, good skin tone, very athletic. He's what we'd call Blatino. Best feature besides his handsome masculine face? Butt. Great muscular ass. He's the first non-white guy I've been attracted to besides celebrities. We have great conversation. Nothing but laughter. We're nothing but smiles the entire time. There were times the conversation turned sexual in which I have to make sure others didn't hear, but a certain part of me didn't care. That's how comfortable I was with him. He's very cultured, spent time out of the United States for school and you can tell a little in his cute accent. Cares a lot about his family, which is the reason he's back in the States. He's not out and doesn't plan to be for a while, same as I. After we parted ways, I just had to sit in my car for a bit and take it all in. Great evening, and even better evening after watching my team win their football game.

Remember Caleb?

If you've read the blog, I told you about a guy named Caleb who I'd pretty much log onto Grindr to talk to exclusively. Well, he's still around, but we haven't seen each other since then. This is how that played out:

So after the date, we've moved to texting, namely since he hasn't been on Grindr that much. We probably have a few exchanges a day, nothing big really. Just seeing how the day is, and continuing the conversation where we left off. The next weekend rolls around and he's busy all weekend. The next week comes and we talk about the next time we'd want to see each other. He tells me that he's pretty swamped with school (med school nonetheless, which I completely understand but am frustrated with) and that when finals are over with, we'd do something. At this point, I'm just thinking that he doesn't want to see me again (emotions talking, not logic) and I tell him he picks the next time he wants to do something. Less than a week goes by without talking so I text him if he's picked a time. He asks if the next day would be fine, but I'd already made plans with J (also talked about him a while back) to go grab dinner. I told him we could afterward if he wanted, but he said the day after instead. It's agreed. The day after, we'd grab a drink after I get off work. The day of comes, and we're talking about places to go. But then he informs me he's been sick in bed all day with a sore throat and probably shouldn't go out.

I'm bummed. Beyond belief. I play the scenario like a little girl and "forget to text back" until later that evening. For some reason, it makes me feel like I have the upper hand when I need to reply and don't. Don't ask me why, I just do. But after consulting J about it, he probably is sick and I told him some sweet things (like the sweet guy I am) and we'll meet up again.

Do I really think we'll meet in again? Yes, about 67.77% of me thinks we will. The other 33.33% thinks we'll meet and then that'll be the end. I'll keep you updated.

My apologies.. Plus Santa Jake.

I've been really needing to blog lately, got lots of stuff to discuss. Since I've started this new job, I've been absolutely dead tired when I get home and not wanting to look at a computer screen for another second. If you couldn't tell, that's what I do now. It pays ridiculously well, so I'll stick it out for the time being. Its one of those companies that looks great on your resume, so I want to give them at least 6 months to see if I can move departments or something of the sort. I'll post them all separately here in the next day or so, but this one is to give my apologies and to spread a little Christmas cheer. Went shopping for the parents and grandparents and ended up buying things for myself of course. Always happens. Figured out the cologne I wanted, a sick Fossil watch I'm now wanting really bad, even if I have to help pay for it, and some clothes. We'll see if Santa will be good to me. Speaking of Santa...

Threesomes...

What is the deal with threesomes? I've had 3 guys ask me to have a threesome with them and their boyfriend this week. Maybe its the size of the bulge in my Grindr pic? Yeah, that probably has a lot to do with it. These power bottoms becoming boyfriends then realizing that they need a top. Not to say I am a total top.. actually I don't know what I like to do.. but that's besides the point right now. Then out of the blue a couple days ago this happens:

I get a text from a guy I hooked up with in September. Check out the texts:

---------

T: I want to watch u and another dude play around. If you decide to have sex with anyone. It could be a fun "group" hang out. Let me get comfortable with things. Crazy request I know.

UnderWraps: That could be interesting. Lots of hesitation, though. What do you mean comfortable with things?

T: I'm hesitant to "get" with a guy. Watching and touching would help me so much. Especially if it was a white guy having sex with you since I could imagine it being me having sex with a blk skin dude.

UnderWraps: Gotcha. I'm hesitant because I'd want to be comfortable with the guy. And if it were to happen, it'd have to be a white/mixed guy. Not attracted to black guys.

BLOGGER'S NOTE: Yes, I'm black and not attracted to black guys. 

T: I know. Do you have a white or mixed friend who would be okay with that?

UnderWraps: Not sure. You on Grindr?

T: Nope

UnderWraps: Check out the app.

T: I might. I just want an honest answer from you tho. If u dont see urself doing that then let me know. So we dont waste each others time. If u are down the please tell me and find out from a friend

BLOGGER'S NOTE: A lot to ask from me at this point I'm thinking.. 

UnderWraps: Calm down bro. My honest answer right now is I don't know. Especially after not hearing from you in a while then this out of the blue. I've never had someone watch me have sex, so like I said, I'm hesitant. You can take that as wasting your time, it's fine. You're not wasting my time by texting.

T: K. But you're either into it or not. If ur hesitant then ur not it sounds like.

UnderWraps: If you want to put it like that, then no, I'm not into it.

T: lol

UnderWraps: Ha, just saying.

T: K I can respect ur decision tho I'm bummed

UnderWraps: yeah, sorry man. Why so hesitant on being with a guy?

T: I don't want to be gay. I might like it more than pussy

UnderWraps: Are you saying that hypothetically if you get with a guy you might like it too much?

T: Yes

UnderWraps: Eh, well you've already done a little bit though. Did you enjoy it then?

T: Yah

UnderWraps: Gotcha. But you enjoy having sex with them right?

T: It's nice yes

UnderWraps: So what's the issue with liking both?

T: It's an issue. Why u psychoanalyzing it

UnderWraps: Ha, you're the one that doesn't want to be gay

T: Lol. Let's do the "three" some or whatever. It would be so hot and you can feel comfortable cause it would be me and another dude u comfortable with. Not some loser off the streets

UnderWraps: Ha, maybe you should look at some interracial gay porn. Well I have to find the right guy first. That'll be a challenge.

-------

There's some more.. but it's not worth typing out. Pretty much he tells me about a black guy he think I would be into that he met about 6 months ago. Then I list off a couple guys that I've been talking to that might be down. I have T check out their profiles on Adam4Adam and see if he likes any of them. At this point, I'm going along with this plan, cause I don't think it's gonna happen. We'll see if he texts back again this week or in another month.

Boyce Avenue

Alright, I've been in love with these guys from the get go. Not only because their handsome, but because they are very talented and they pretty much started the YouTube cover band revolution, in my opinion. They continue to blow me away with each cover and original song they play. I want to catch them on tour, but are never in my area. Now that I'll have some bigger paychecks coming my way, I probably will fly to see them somewhere.

Here's one of their latest covers. Much success to Alejandro, Daniel and Fabian Manzano.